Zsa Zsa Gabor has been many things in her life: actress, plaything of playboys, disqualified beauty pageant contestant and convicted slapper.

Sounds a lot like socialite Paris Hilton, no? It gets better. Turns out that Zsa Zsa Gabor and Paris Hilton have a deep family connection.

The Early Years

Sari Gabor was born on February 6, 1917 in Budapest, Hungary, although some sources state that she might have been born earlier. She was the daughter of Vilmos, a Soldier, and Jolie, who worked as a manager. She changed her name to Zsa Zsa when she was a child because she wasn't able to pronounce the name Sari, that her parents had given her.

Stop being such a fag!

Sounds easy, doesn't it? And yet today, there are literally dozens of gay and lesbianese people in North America (and probably even more in Europe).

Why? If they're able to quit, why won't they? They like the attention? They hate their parents? WHY?!

To find out the answers, I visited the office of Dr. Trevor Allman, in downtown Calgary, Canada. Dr. Allman is Founder and President of "Stop Being Such A Fag!", an organisation best known for their work counselling and curing homosexuals.

Pudding: Dr. Allman, thanks for giving me this time to talk with you.

Allman: Not at all. I'm ALWAYS happy to discuss the unnatural and sinful act of homosexuality.

Pudding: Great. I wanna start by asking why -

Allman: I have some photos here. I'd like to show them to you. They're very graphic, and incredibly disturbing, but I think it's important for us to see just what it is we're talking about. But be prepared, Reverend. This is truly horrific material.

Pudding: Okay. First, can you tell me if -

Allman: Just - no. Please. I really think we should view the photographs first. Trust me. I'm a doctor. Things will go better if we just get this stuff out of the way, so we can get down to the questions portion of the interview.

Pudding: Alright, sure. Pass 'em over.

Allman: No, no. I'll hold the album and turn the pages. You come over here and sit next to me. We'll view them together.

Pudding: Yeah, okay. *joining Dr. Allman on the loveseat* So, what do we have here...? Oh, sweet Jesus!

Allman: Please! Calm down, Reverend. We've got seventeen volumes of this filth to get through. Steel yourself.

Pudding: No, I'm really - I'm not into this. Can we just - ?

Allman: What's wrong with you? Aren't you a priest...?

Pudding: A former priest. And it was a cult, not Catholicism. *hurriedly rising from the loveseat* So, how many homosexuals have you cured?

Allman: Well, Reverend. It's not about "how many" are helped through my work. My team and I are currently more interested in research. Only when this abberation has been thoroughly studied and discussed, will we have a chance of yanking the problem out by its unholy roots.

Pudding: And how has that been going?

Allman: Even better than we'd hoped. Our database now includes nearly eight hundred thousand seperate photos and videos - both clips and full features. Also, we've compiled a massive encyclopedia of filthy letters, shockingly explicit poems, and sex-crammed short stories, by and about gay men and lesbian women.

Pudding: So then... you're basically just collecting gay porn...?

Allman: Mostly. But we also discuss specifics of the illness with each other. Just as I am now, with you. For example, are you familiar with the term "Rusty Trombone"? It's a particularly dreadful gay sex act. I'd like to describe it to you now. *miming* A man kneels, and positions his face near the anus of his lover, then reaches -

Pudding: Uhh, Dr. Allman. Thanks for your time. I'm sorry to cut the interview short, but... I really don't feel safe any more.

Dr. Trevor Allman, Describing Something Sinful

Not being a medical man myself, I had some trouble understanding his methods, but it's clear Dr. Allman is very, very passionate about his mission. As I left his office, I looked over my shoulder to see that he was once again poring over his extensive files, grunting in rhythmic concentration.

Internet polls can be annoying, pointless, and soul-crushing.

On the other hand, it can be fun to cast your vote on something inconsequential, without having to leave your home or office.

P.S: Please be patient regarding the slow speed at which we've recently been hating freedom. Harmon Leon and his minions are currently setting up a new, wonderfuller site for us all to enjoy. The name has not yet been decided upon, but I'm leaning towards "CanaderekAndMore.com"

"Chupa" means "suck" or "sucks" in Spanish. That's how the pictured lollipops got their undeniably goofy name. It's also the etymological root of the word chupacabra - the "goat sucker" monster.

And by "goat sucker", I'm NOT talking about Puerto Rican entertainer Maria Valdez's stage name. Calm down. The part of the goat (and other animals) that gets sucked is its blood.

Beginning in the mid-1990s, supposedly mysterious animal victims have been found in Florida, Mexico, and several South and Central American countries. Dracula-style puncture wounds are found in the neck, and the animal is drained of blood.

Chupacabras are invariably described as hairy (or hairless), large (and, more often, small/medium-sized), canine-like (also feline-like, and sometimes ape-like), and by some accounts, "not like anything on Earth". Some folks hold them to be demons, others consider them alien beings. For the most part, however, chupacabra buffs (or "chuffs", as I've suddenly decided to derogatorily call them) believe their childish fantasies to be ordinary - but thus far unknown to science - animals. This places the goat sucker in the same category as bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster; in the field of "cryptozoology". "Zoology" is the study of animals, while "crypto", in this instance, means "make believe".

Recently, people have begun shooting hairless canines and calling them chupacabras. Only a few days ago, a man in Texas killed one of these small, emaciated dogs.

The Dreaded Chupacabra Monster, Mimicking a Dead Dog

So, how are these animals dying, and being drained of blood, if not by the teeth and sucking ability of mysterious and/or supernatural creatures? Some skeptics have suggested that there may be other, well-known/real carnivorous animals in the Americas. These nay-sayers believe the culprits could be any number of natural predators, including twisted/practical-joking humans. Most animal predators attack the neck of their prey. Obviously, a lot of insects indigenous to the chupacabra's sucking grounds consume blood to survive. Given a day or two, a few thousand of them would have no trouble emptying a goat.

Most chupcabra pics I've seen don't present the sort of beast I can imagine "sucking" anything. The dog pictured above, for example. Could it actually pucker its lips, prior to being shot and killed? Have these dog hunters ever found evidence of drinking straws near the kill sites?

Alright. Now for the "just in case" segment of my article. The recently-shot and killed animal in Texas has been taken away for lab study. DNA results are not yet available. So, here you go: Maybe it IS a previously uncatalogued subspecies of coyote or something. Big deal. It's still a stupid name, you chuffs...

So, the liberals are picking on Glenn Beck again. This time, it’s some crap about him promoting a supposedly “unethical” company.

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Goldline advertises on Glenn’s television program, and Glenn has mentioned to viewers that investing in gold might be a good idea.

“Big deal”, you might think.

Well, Olbermann and fellow Dem stooges are complaining that because Goldline is a company that endeavors to make money, Glenn is somehow a bad man for bringing them some business through advertising…

As a capitalist, I have trouble seeing Glenn as ‘at fault’ here. In my opinion, Glenn should not be held responsible for anything, ever.

Meanwhile, I have problems of my own here on FreedomHaters.org. Due to supposed "low readership/high complaints", my colleagues are suddenly insisting that I begin “earning my keep”. I now have to pay $16 for every article of mine they publish, AND I’m supposed to bring extra revenue via sponsorship.

That’s why you see that big, beautiful, bird on your screen. A small, family-run turkey farm has agreed to help bring my readers the information they need, and I appreciate that.

Barry’s Turkey Farm has had some troubles in the past, which only increases my desire to bond with them in a mutually-beneficial relationship. The Christian value of forgiveness is one that’s never far from my heart.

BARRY’S TURKEY FARM: "Mmm, It’s Legal Again!"

Speaking of Christian values, with the space I have left, I'd like to discuss the liberal attitude towards religion and religious festivals. Most of us have come across the anti-Christmas fascists out there, and we’ve heard their whining about having to “spend tax money on expensive, lighted nativity scenes while our poorest citizens sleep under bridges”. Jesus was poor and homeless too, but he didn't complain about it.

Well, my friends, I have come up with a rather creative way to fight back! Let’s leave our lights and decorations up ALL YEAR! Then they’ll see how ridiculous it was for them to complain about one single day in December.

Let’s do it. I’m serious! Let’s keep the mistletoe up year-round, and eat a big, traditional Christmas meal at least once a week, every week.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

(c) Barry's Fowl Meat and By-products, 2010

Hey everyone!

Just another reminder to let you know we're still here.

Harmon is busy covering lots of stories for Freedom Hating, and we're working on some big site changes.

Wanted to leave you with a little somthing.

We re-watched this video we shot a couple of years ago with Brendon Walsh. You might have seen him on TV's Last Comic Standing or on Comedy Central.

The video had people rolling - even here in Ireland, so we know it's universal.

It's got everything that would make it a hit on YouTube: fighting, feces smearing, name calling, dorkiness...

sigh...

Anyway, take a look for yourself.

Hey kids! 

Thanks for hanging out at Freedom Haters. We've got a lot of big changes coming up this summer, so be sure to keep coming to the site.

Harmon and the Rev. Pudding are working away and I, your humble host El Flojo, is busy working behind the scenes and writing articles about Self Employed Liability Insurance! 

Take a look!

And keep coming back to Freedom Haters.

PS: Here's a picture of a gun. It doesn't have anything to do with Self Employed Liability Insurnace! 

Is the end of the world nigh, and if so, what the hell does "nigh" mean?

Okay, I looked it up. "Nigh" means "near". But how near, and why?

Most recently, 2012 has become a popular year for people to imagine the world will end. Why? Short answer: Because people are very fucking stupid. A more lengthy explanation would include discussion of the Mayan civilization, and how their calendar ended in the year 2112. That's still a long wait, so some writers decided to bump it up a century, assuming the average movie-goer/new age mushbrain wouldn't look it up, or indeed formulate an independent thought on the matter. A safe bet.

Incidentally, Mayan civilization (what the Mayan people would have considered 'The World") ended a few centuries ago, so they were, themselves, over-shooting the date. Why, you might wonder, would anyone assume this extinct load of human sacrifice enthusiasts had mystical knowledge in the first place? I've done some research, and come up with the only reasonable answer. It is, once again, because people are very fucking stupid.

The old JW tagline, recently replaced with "Hey, at least we're not Scientologists!"

The funniest apocalypse groupies have got to be, hands down, the Jehovah's Witnesses. Initially, they were certain the big world-ending, on-Earth, God vs. Satan slugfest was to take place in the year 1914. Many of them gave away all of their possessions in that year, then basically stood around, looking ridiculous and occasionally glancing upwards.

So what did they do next? Change their names, move to another state, and immediately convert to a less embarassing religion? Nope! They simply changed the date of doom. Next up, it was 1925. Same deal. Witnesses gave away their crap, then wandered around like a collection of confused cattle. Then what? Well, they picked 1975. No monsters spitting fire? Let's try 2000. Still nothing...? Crud.

As far as I know, they've finally taken to just saying "any day now", rather than setting a specific date. I think the Witness who thought of that should receive a nice, fat bonus.

When I was a kid, most doomsday advocates concentrated on the potential nuclear destruction of our planet. These days, super-powered magical beings are all the rage. Some say gods and devils will be responsible, others point their fingers at evil space aliens.

Me? I think we'll do it to ourselves, but we probably have at least a century of destructive, short-sighted living left to play make believe.

Good Riddance

 A new breed of internet poker players who have honed their gambling chops online are facing off against old-school competitors, bringing speed and aggression to the world’s biggest tournaments, which I found out about in a little investigation I did for Wired.

In the movie version of one of these showdowns, Edward Norton could play the role of Daniel Negreanu, a 35-year-old player who sought out backroom card games while mastering poker as a young rounder in Toronto. Ranked second in all-time career earnings, Negreanu has won four World Series of Poker bracelets, as well as two World Poker Tour championship titles.

Negreanu says he thinks players today are better than ever, thanks to the online poker revolution. When he started, he had to play one table at a time. Now young card sharks can play 12, 15, 20 poker tables at once, as well as take advantage of a slew of online tutorials and forums.

“If you could take a kid who is 22 now and bring them back to the year 2000, he would destroy the game,” says Negreanu, who’s racked up more than $300,000 in winnings so far this year. “If I could take what I know now and go back 10 years, I could kill them.”

Just as the internet has forever changed the media and communications industries, online play is transforming real-world poker tournaments. While technically illegal in the United States, millions of Americans gamble on websites run by offshore operators. Even as federal regulators struggle to enforce a strange tangle of laws, U.S. lawmakers are considering legalizing internet gambling.

Joe Cada, a 22-year-old player from Michigan, is a great example of the new strain of internet poker whiz kid. At 16, he cut his teeth learning the game online — sometimes playing up to 2,000 hands per day. Though he wasn’t old enough to sit at the tables in Vegas, Cada made enough money playing online poker to buy a house. At 21, he made the jump to live tournaments and won the 2009 World Series of Poker, becoming the youngest champ in history. Cada took home $8.5 million.

Read the rest of the story by following the link to Wired