Handed To Me At The Tea Party Patriot Rally: The Flag I Love

As you might have guessed, last Thursday I attended the big Tea Party Patriot blowout rally at the Alameda County Fairground. What a jamboree of flying conspiracy theories on how Obama is destroying the very fabric of American life. (Did you know that it's not unintentional that Lenin's birthday and Earth Day fall on the same day?) While there, a smiley grey-haired woman handed me a pamphlet entitled: The Flag I Love. I stuffed it in my pocket and didn't read it until I got home. As it turned out, reading The Flag I Love was like Christmas come early. It kind of summed up some Tea Party Patriots fear of having a black president that they label as a possible Muslim born outside of America who is delivering a communist wave of fear to their red, white, and blue. Read with me a few excerpts: While the flag has long been a symbol of a free people, there is a deeper lesson to be learned from it's wonderful blend of colors. White is the color of purity. White is the color of the spotless throne of God. And there is but one truly white man, morally and spiritually, that ever trod in the sin-stained earth--the man Christ Jesus. Red we recognize as the color of blood--the color of blood drops of Christ which one day dripped on Calvary's Hill for the sin of the world. Blue is the color of the heavens. Yes, the blue speaks to us of the heavens to which one day we may go. Remember, then, when you see Old Glory waving in the breezes of peace or in the winds of war that there is a lesson in it's stirring blend of colors. WHITE--the purity of Jesus Christ. RED--the blood of Jesus Christ shed for your sins. BLUE--the Heavenly hope which all who trust Christ as Saviour have. Now I can clearly see why Obama is a threat to the Tea Party and the American way of life.

Read more at True/Slant.

Tea Partiers take San Francisco


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San Francisco you let me down.

Yesterday was the big, fancy National Tea Party Day. As part of their protest against Obama, health care reform, tax day, and the onslaught of socialism that's virtually pissing in the face of the ghost of Ronald Reagan, the Tea Party Patriots took to Union Square to voice their displeasure of all things unpatriotic.

 

That's right, the Tea Baggers were on our turf, telling the people of San Francisco (or "San Fransicko" as they referred to it) how we're the symbol of everything wrong in this country.

 


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The protest looked not unlike an American flag that threw up all over Union Square and showered red, white, and blue all over a bunch of old people. The festivities had all the elements we've grown to love about Tea Baggers: accusations that Obama is a racist dictator, misspelled signs, speakers from Russia making astute comparisons to their homeland, quotes from General Patton, and shouts of U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A.!


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The one thing that really baffled me were claims that the Obama administration is "Big Brother" and we're living in a scenario right out of George Orwell's 1984. Huh? Claiming that the government is "Big Brother" has always been a liberal thing--that's a staple in our bag of tricks. How dare the right wing take away our beloved government/Big Brother comparison!

 


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What really let me down was the fact that all these shenanigans took place in our own backyard. San Francisco has a rich history of funny counter-protesters. Yet, there was barely a funny counter-protester to be found. We needed representation to point out the pure absurdities of this surreal scenario?

The Tea Baggers even used the opportunity to squash any attempt at "funny" with their counter-counter-protest signs:

 


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Why is it when it's a war protest amongst like-minded people we'll turn out in droves, but when it comes to actual confrontation on the home front we steer clear?

Next time the Tea Baggers' dog-and-pony show comes to town with their we really need to break out those Obama=Charlie Chaplin signs!

 


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See more of my protest photos at Asylum.

The NAPT: High Stakes Poker in the Time of the Recession

 

 


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The North American Poker Tour (NAPT) is wrapping up this week at the Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut. Such poker pro luminaries as Joe CadaVanessa RoussoGreg Raymer, and Gavin Griffin were on hand for the five-day, $5,000 buy-in championship Main Event, which smashed the Mohegan Sun’s record for total prize pool.

$3,264,244 is not a bad lump of cash to win while the rest of the country is in the midst of a horrible recession.

We sit in a time of economic instability. Millions of Americans have lost jobs. California teeters at a 12.8% unemployment rate. Yet, high-stakes poker is on a trajectory course upwards in terms of popularity-huge player traffic is generated to such online sites as PokerStars. What’s the reason behind the surge? Has poker playing now become a viable career option for those currently out of work — despite the fact that it’s a profession where one is constantly faced with the prospect of losing large sums of money?

What do the pros think?

“I know more people since the economy has gone bad, who didn’t have much else going on, who decided to work hard at poker,” says card table superstarDaniel Negreanu. He professes: “They’re surviving and they’re doing well. I don’t think it’s all that difficult to do.” (An easy claim to make for one who is ranked second in all-time career earnings.) Negreanu continues: “I’d say it’s easier to make a living these days then ever before. When I started playing poker there was no online poker–you had to sit at one table and that was it.” As a teen rounder in Toronto, Negreanu had to seek out backroom card games. Now, the new Internet poker generation can play multiple games at once right from their laptop. “Instead of playing the higher limits you can play twelve screens at the lower limits and you could really grind out a bankroll slowly and carefully.”

Does throwing down thousands of dollars of chips each hand during a time of recession change the level of play at the NAPT?

“No, I don’t think that has any bearing on it at all,” Negreanu says. “In a tournament some are always going to play more scared than others. Once you put the money in-it’s in and you don’t really think about it. I don’t think the economy has any effect in that situation.”

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2003 World Series of Poker (WSOP) champ, Chris Moneymaker, has seen his share of poker pros who have had difficulties during the recession. One of his friends-a pro player for the past ten years — has been on a bad downward spiral for the past four-six months. “He doesn’t have a whole lot of options. He has a ten year gap in his resume-he can’t do anything else.” Moneymaker summarizes about the shift in poker: “I play with a lot of kids who have no respect for money. You hear all the stories of someone who has a million in their bank account and the next week they’re broke. That’s great if you’re single, but I have a family.” Being realistic about the hardships of the economy, Moneymaker has a more conservative approach to his game: “I play at my limits. I play within my means.” He stresses again: “I have a family.”

As the recession rages on, what’s the smartest way to make it as a professional poker player?

“I’d advice all players to have a strong economic plan,” recommends Dennis Phillips–who placed 3rd in the 2008 WSOP. While working as an account manager for a trucking company, Phillips came from nowhere by qualifying for the WSOP Main Event through a $200 satellite tournament at Harrah’s casino in St. Louis. Since then, he’s parlayed his total winnings (exceeding $4,700,000) into opening a slew of commercial businesses around the country. With a broad smile, Phillips rejoices at the origins of his new entrepreneurial pursuits outside of poker: “2008-that was a life changer!”

Meanwhile, Daniel Negreanu’s poker star is so bright that spreading his brand isn’t even a concern to him. “I don’t spend too much time thinking about that, ” he says. Negreanu leaves
such matters as TV offers, commercials, book deals, and endorsement ventures to his handlers. “People will come up to me and say, ‘Hey I got a great opportunity.’ And I’ll say, ‘Great. I don’t want to talk about because I have an agent.’ (Pause.) It’s boring to me.”

Boring to some. A viable means of steady income for other players. Then again, there’s only one Daniel Negreanu.

Read more Harmon Leon at SF Gate and Huffington Post.

 

Have you had a Craigslist roommate nightmare?


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I was helping a friend find a new place to live.

Moving in with a random person you meet off of a Craigslist ad has got to be one of the creepiest things you can do. What a cavalcade of crazy.

How can you predict what lies ahead after meeting someone for 20 minutes after which time you declare that you are going to be new roommates?

Sometimes the red flags are right in the Craigslist ads. Some warning signs are more subtle than others. Here are a few Craigslist ads I found that practically spell out potential roommate trouble ahead:

 


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$400 ATTRACTIVE FEMALE HOUSEMATE

This is NOTHING sexual, just tired of looking at dudes and dogs. I am looking for a hot or above average female that has a good work history, a steady source of income, one that can pay rent ON TIME and doesn't mind being 'checked out' while walking around here or whatever. I am a good looking, 40's male, laid back, clean, very open minded, and RESPECTFUL. No I am not some kind of sex crazied perv, but yes, I do like to look at pretty women. What straight man doesn't? At least I am honest right? I do prefer younger but as long as you fit the above criteria.

Red Flag:Understandable. I, too, get tired of looking at dudes and dogs. This man isn't asking too much; he simply wants a hot or above average female. But most of all he wants this hot or above average female to pay her rent ON TIME. Pay no attention when your new roommate checks you out to the point-of-discomfort while you do housecleaning.

 


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$345 roomate wanted

im white... i am an MMA fighter... i occasionally have parties or just get real f*cked up(usually after fight parties). I train alot. Things I like: hot chicks, having sex with hot chicks, fighting, making money, receiving oral sex from hot chicks, 4X4 trucks, winning, being right...

Red Flag: Imagine all the fun of your new MMA roommate getting really f*cked up after one of his fights and putting you in a headlock until you admit you're a big pussy or pass out. Imagine sitting around hearing all the stories about all the hot chicks that like to perform oral sex on your new roommate. Imagine your new roommate practicing his passion for "being right" when it comes to him eating all your food after fight training.

 


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$295 Snuggle Partner (Abington)

Seeking female conservative to share Master Bedroom. Hot tub. Must not snore. Non-smoker. No criminal record. No exceptions. Honest sweet woman only. Wanna save money? This is the only solution I can come up with. No whackos please. serious efforts only. Pillow talk no extra charge, but you should be able to hold a conversation about things because that's part of the deal. Snuggling may lead to friendship and LTR. Good hygiene a must and keep toenails clipped. Spooning okay. Interview required - because this cannot be just any woman wandering around. I'm 52. Trial period of one night to one week after which we decide if it's a go. This is no joke. Maybe it's not so crazy. I'm not looking for sex. Meet first for coffee to discuss this ludicrous offer. Convince me why it could work..

Red Flag: You know what? This might not be a bad deal. Hell, you could just give it a try for a night or a week and see if it works out with this 52 year old stranger. No sex is attached and there's that spooning-optional clause that you can always fall back on. Let's discuss!

 


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$540 Sex...and other good things (berkeley)

Some of us in the house occasionally give parties....and...the party has a couple rooms where people can get as sensual/sexual as they want.

Looking for a roommate who could understand that, and possibly use his/her room for one of the playrooms when we have our parties. You don't even have to go to the party....some of the roommates don't....just let us use the room overnight, and return it to it's pristine condition the next day.

The parties tend to be people from 18-30, and invitation only, and men can only come if accompanied by a woman who has made reservations for both.

Red Flag: Think of the fun of moving in on party night. Of course you don't have to be there; you just have to give up your room so 18-30 people can have sex in it. Hopefully it's hardwood floors so there will be no stains left in the carpet. But the upside is, if you are a guy, you can attend the party without a date.

 


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$100 Den for Rent for attractive, open minded female (san jose downtown)

I have a den for rent in my apartment. It doesn't have a door, but its still your own space. I am looking for an attractive girl who'd move in. Please be ok with nudity and sex. I'm 30, attractive and just looking for a cute girl for some eye candy! Nothing more ... no sex trade expected.

Red Flag: Is $100 a month rent worth the price to be "eye candy"? Would you always want to be eye candy 24/7 in your door-less den room? (Did he take the door out to facilitate the eye-candy-experience? No sex trade "expected." Yes, but I'm sure your new roommate will keep asking and asking and asking. Nightmare.

 


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$1 Inviting Open Minded cool girls to share Free-Spirit community

We are a group of 5 young people (girls and boys) - open minded, free spirit and love life. We live and open life of kindness and great karma. We have a huge one bedroom condo neer the beach. There are no doors since we value openness and flow of spirit. So if you have privacy issues, this is not for you. One of us is the owner and she has the good will of opening her place practically RENT FREE (you can contribute as much as you can) to anyone (GIRLS and boys and couples) who are young and shares our ideals & lifestyle. As said, we feel good about ourselves and our sexuality and have almost no personal possions here - all is ours. we are not some sex maniacs although most of us are nudists to some degree and we enjoy sex with each other on free basis. We have no assigned sleeping and we just sleep on any bed that's free at the moment. LIVE your DREAMS!

Red Flag: As in all these type of situations, the naked people are usually the type of naked people you'd never care to see naked EVER. Also,image waking up in the middle of the night -- every night -- with some stranger trying to grope you. And why are they anti-door? Can I just have an occasional door, like in the bathroom. This is my nightmare. This is my nightmare.

 


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$500 Large private bedroom available May 1.

All payments are due in CASH ONLY, in person only, and no long distance transactions!

MUST comply with all of the following RULES:

No Sex, and no overnight guests

No drugs of any kind, including Marijuana

No smoking

No heavy drinking

No illegal activities of any kind in the apartment or outside in your personal time (don't want ANY trouble)

Red Flag:There's bad vibes all about this scenario. What the hell happened with the last roommate who you will be moving in to replace? What illegal activities used to go on inside this apartment and why is the CASH ONLY policy firmly in place. Too bad about not ever having overnight guests but I'm sure you and your new roommate can pass the time by swapping tales of what it was like to be in prison.

 


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The Ad: $1 Free rent and extra. Can you do massage service for me when I come back home ?

You will live with me at the same house. You don't need a certificate or experience of massage.

Please reply with your age, sex and self-introduction.

If you need food and expense for public transportation such as bus, please let me know. I am willing to offer these too upon your request.

Do you also need tuition fee?

My hobby is travel. What is your hobby?

Red Flag: Well, creepy potential new roommate, my hobby is steering as clear away from people like you as possible. Thank God I don't need a proper certification in massage; I'm only a massage-enthusiast and I always thought that proper training would hold me back in my dream: "massaging" creepy guys who offer free rent in exchange for massages.

 


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$1,000 Female Roommate Needed for Quiet Bedroom In Prime Location

I am looking for a FEMALE roommate, preferably in her twenties like me, with a full time job who doesn't spend much time in the apartment. I am a full time student and a freelance stylist and have a big social life BUT outside the apartment. When at home, I study, eat, sleep and am quiet IN my room. I expect the same from my potential roommate!

If you are female, clean, responsible, quiet, work long hours and spend most of your spare time outside of the apartment you're my perfect candidate!

Red Flag: But if you do spend most of your time in the apartment, then i will grow to hate you quickly. I want you to pay the rent and then stay the HELL away from the apartment. The sight of you, already, is beginning to sicken me. Why won't you leave! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

What's the worst Craigslist roommate experience you've had? Psychos? Passive-aggressive neat freaks? Let us know!

Read more Craigslist Roommate Nightmares at Rented Spaces.

FPN: The Failed Politician Network


Well, the libs have gone and done it again. They've killed free speech, this time, by successfully petitioning Discovery Networks to prevent Sarah Palin's program from airing on TLC.<?xml:namespace prefix = o />


But conservatives are fighting back, my friends. Early June, 2010, will see the world premiere of FPN: The Failed Politician Network!


On every program thus-far slated for production, the politician in question will have failed NOT due to incompetence nor, say, due to resigning before completing a full term in office. The star of each program will have "failed" because of bad publicity - specifically the left-wing media.


So far, three shows have been scheduled, with several more in the works.


On Tuesday nights at nine will be "Dear John Letters", which will showcase John McCain reading personal letters to troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.


"I love you very much, Michael, and I miss you dearly. The thought of having you back home, holding me in your arms... Well, by golly, it's all that keeps me sane. Love always, your Alabamian flower-in-waiting, Rosie. P.S: I found out that weird purple rash on my twat is nothing serious."


 


John Showing off his Ability to Comfort Two Military Wives Simultaneously


And watch for "Saturday Norm Live", Saturdays at eight-thirty. It's former Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman's HILARIOUS sketch comedy show! Here's an excerpt from the pilot:


Coleman (with small paper cone on head): Meep meep. I'm an alien living here on Earth.


Special Guest Star Glenn Beck (weeping unconsolably): You look, *sniff* you look like one of those pointy-headed liberals (dry heaves from excessive crying).


Coleman (staring out at the crowd): That was the joke...


Beck (still blubbering): I'm very, very frightened and sad. Can I please have a tissue...?


Audience Laughter




Norm Displays His Penchant for Jewish Humour by Smiling Next to a Rabbi


And finally, presenting the superstar of FPN: It's the Sarah Palin Show!


Palin: Well gosh. Thanks for coming on the show, Mr. Pernick. Now, it says here you're a carpenter...


Pernick: That's right, Mrs. Palin. And I've been one ever since my daddy taught me to use a hammer!


Audience Applause


Palin: Gee, that's neat. Now tell me, what does a carpenter do exactly?


Pernick: I - well, I work with wood...


Palin: Oh! *winks* So you're kind of like a lumberjack, then.


Pernick: No.


Palin: Thanks so much for being with us here today! Tomorrow night we'll welcome Janet, a reader of "Time", to explain what magazines are! Won't that be super? G'night! *winks* "



"Lippy" - the Official Mascot of "It's the Sarah Palin Show"


 

Is McCain on crack?: He denies ever being a maverick

 Wasn’t that the whole catalyst that propelled the McCain/Palin 2008 campaign? Yes,  John McCain–the maverick is no more. In fact, the former presidential candidate even denies ever taking on the moniker: I never considered myself a maverick,” he told Newsweek. Is the man out of his mind? That (being a maverick) andJoe the Plumber were the basis of his entire presidential campaign strategy.

Is this some sort of political ploy to cleanse his palate of the entire entity that which is Sarah Palin? Is McCain trying to reinvent himself in the same manner as Madonna right before she launched her Vogue tour?  McCain, saying he never considered himself a “maverick” is as ridiculous as when Bill Clintonsaid after the Monica Lewinsky debacle, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Why would McCain make such an insane maverick denial when there’s videos like these still floating around:

Maybe this a marketing plot between McCain and Palin for another team campaign bid in 2012? What do you expect with two mavericks?

 

How hard is it to get a black market green card in San Francisco?

 


As long as there is a demand to become a working American, there will be those who sell black-market green cards. Issued by the INS, green cards are essential documents needed to verify immigrants as resident aliens with the legal right to work in the United States. With an estimated 11 million illegal immigrants nationwide, a green card is gold for those questing the American Dream–and often unobtainable.

Everyone is entitled to the American Dream. Some wait for years to win the green card lottery. (They make it sound like it’s done with a scratch-and-win card). In order to reap the fruits of prosperity in this land of plenty, I shall try to get a green card by mid-afternoon–no later. How hard can it be?

My quest for the American dream has taken me to the Mission District. On a sunny Saturday afternoon, there’s a myriad of activity with its 99-cent stores, check-cashing places, and plentiful taquerias. I’ve recruited a Mexican friend of mine to help with the translation process, and to give validity to my story of being a Canadian with green card pursuits. A friend of hers just came over from Guadalajara and went right to the Mission to get a new fake green card in order to find temporary work on a fishing boat. He tipped her off that in front of photo and passport stores are the best places to begin the quest. The busy season is late spring and early fall due to the fact that a lot of immigrant work is in agriculture. San Francisco, like most major cities, has a steady demand, being that here the majority of work is mostly in restaurant jobs. Recently, a Las Vegas-based syndicate tried to muscle in on the San Francisco and New York markets, creating the same gang dynamics of the drug trade, only with the fake-green-card industry.

Sauntering down Mission Street, a Latino guy wearing a down jacket and baseball cap stands in front of a clothing store two doors down from the passport-photo place, suspiciously hanging out with a very serious expression on his mug. We glance over, but he doesn’t make eye contact. Not thinking much of it, my friend suddenly hears him say to a passing Latino man, “Micas? Micas?” (Street slang for “green card.”)

Find out how the hurdles I faced in order to obtain a black market green card at SF Gate.

 

Sarah Palin Being Groomed To Be The New Katie Couric: LL Cool J Wants No Part

 


I love it! This is not a Saturday Night Live sketch. FOX is actually airing a show called, Real American Stories. It stars Sarah Palin. Remember when Palin quit her job being governor of Alaska? Her reasoning: Palin didn’t want to be a lame duck governor. She used some sort of confusing basketball metaphor. Palin stressed that she’d be better off helping the Republican party in other areas–such as hosting of the FOX News chat show, Real American Stories.

Picture Sarah Palin in the pitch meeting for this TV talk show:

“Imagine we tell stories. American stories. Except they’d be real American stories.”

Now we know why Sarah Palin had so much disdain for Katie Couric: she actually wants to be her.

But apparently all of Sarah Palin’s Real American Stories aren’t real. A segment planned with actor/rapper LL Cool J featured a promo that was lifted from a 2008 interview he gave to someone else. In LL’s Twitter words:

“Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else and are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palin’s show. WOW.”

What really puzzles me is, out of all the people in the world for the former Alaska governor/vice presidential candidate to interview and tell their real American story, why the hell would she pick LL Cool J? Still, I imagine it’s going to be a pure treat seeing Sarah Palin interview celebrities one-on-one.

David Letterman! Look out your job is in trouble!

No joke, the show kicks off on FOX on April 1st. Sarah Palin also signed a deal with Discovery Networks to be part of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” an eight-part documentary produced by Mark Burnett that will air on TLC. Palin will receive
$1 million an episode for the show.

Pretty darn good pay for a once potential lame duck governor.

Read more Harmon Leon at SF Gate and Huffington Post.

Ricky Martin Gets Career Boost By Coming Out As Gay

 This is a crazy twist of events. `90’s has been singer, Ricky Martin has officially come out of the closet. Strange on the timing: he has a new memoir coming out. Yes, just when it looked like Ricky Martin’s career might have been limited to C-list celebrity purgatory on shows like Dancing with the Stars, the pop singer (and former member of boy band, Menudo) has confessed that’s he’s been gay all these years.

The man who brought the world the 1999 hit, Livin La Vida Loca, has declared on his fan site: “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.”

Yes, and it only took 11 years for him to come out and say during a time  when his career is deader than Corey Haim and you have a new book coming out. Ricky Martin joins the ranks of Clay Aiken and Lance Bass as the guy everyone knew was gay and who has finally admitted it. Yes, Ricky Martin is proud to be gay–especially when there’s money to be made from book sales.

Sarah Palin: Gun Imagery, Tea Party Fanatics, and Hunting Wolves From Helicoptors

 I think it’s great that Sarah Palin used gun imagery when trying to rally irate, Tea Party fanatics on her Facebook page:

“Every possession is a battle; you’ll only win the war if you’ve picked your battles wisely. No matter how tough it gets, never retreat, instead RELOAD!

I get it Sarah: reload like you would with a gun you’d use to hunt a wolf from a helicopter. Example: if you’re hunting a wolf from a helicopter and you shoot and miss–don’t retreat. Instead, reload that gun and blow that wolf’s head clean off! Ka-pow!  Reload!

Liberals are offended that little Sarah from Wasilla used gun metaphors after anger/violence ignited over the signing of the  health care bill.

Sarah quipped: “The crossfire is intense, so penetrate through enemy territory by bombing through the press, and use your strong weapons — your Big Guns — to drive to the hole. Shoot with accuracy; aim high and remember it takes blood, sweat and tears to win.

I’m all one for free speech, but maybe Sarah should tone down her Facebook messages and have them reflect the realistic events going on such as a brick flung through the window of a county Democratic Party office in Rochester, N.Y.

Maybe her Facebook page could read:

“Every possession is a battle; you’ll only win the war if you’ve picked your battles wisely. No matter how tough it gets, never retreat, instead THROW A BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW OF YOUR ENEMIES!