Joke-e-oke In The News

Published by Harmon on February 5th, 2010 in HUMOR

Joke-e-oke is in the news. Our friend Ali MacLean did a great write up about our show at SF Sketchfest. Ali was one of our Joke-e-oke  finalist at our star-studded show, which featured celebrity comedy judges Paul Provenza, Mark Pitta, Rick Overton. 

The legendary Purple Onion was an awesome venue to perform at. 

 

 

 

 

 

We had a really great crowd, which included comedy legend Robin Williams. 

 

 

 

Check out Ali's complete story here. In the meantime here's a taste of our Joke-e-oke champ Kozumi:

New Video: The Scary Truth about Your Clothes

Published by Harmon on February 4th, 2010 in IRONY

 

Clothes are funny, aren't they? Comedian Lee Camp examines the scary truth about clothes. Be forewarned: this is the scary truth! 

 

 

 

 

New Zealand Teen Offers Her Virginity In Exchange For Collage Tuition: Is It A Wrong Move?

Published by Harmon on February 4th, 2010 in IRONY

 

Last year American student Natalie Dylan, auctioned off her virginity to fund her master's degree.
Last year American student Natalie Dylan, auctioned off her virginity to fund her master's degree.

Here's what the Associated Press had to say about this matter:

 

A New Zealand teenager who says she auctioned her virginity online for $32,000 to raise tuition money did not break any laws but it might be risky for her to follow through on the deal, police warned Wednesday.

You think so, Associated Press? How did you come to the astute conclusion that offering your virginity online to the high bidder might present some problems? You mean, there might be some bad strangers out there in this virginity-for-money exchange?

Known by her user name, Unigirl, the teen (who comes from the country that brought usFlight of the Conchords) got over 1.200 offers from her ad posted on www.ineed.co.nz.

In her ad, (which had no photo) she described herself as fit, attractive, and healthy, while adding, "I have never had a sexual relationship and am still a virgin."

Strange twist to this sordid tale would be if Unigirl wasn't a virgin, college student or even female. Because in this country we simply call what she's doing, prostitution. Maybe in the land of Lord of the Rings they are a little more honest about these things? Or, then again, maybe not. 

 

Scott and Stacey on the BBC!

Published by flojo on February 4th, 2010 in HUMOR

We were on the radio!

OK. So it was Radio Ulster.

But that still counts!

You can listen to the whole show or fast forward to about 1:30 to where we are.

The woman in the group that played after us is our catsitter!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

 

 

Mr. Picky For Valentine’s Day

Published by Harmon on February 3rd, 2010 in IRONY

With Valentine's Day looming around the corner, I realize I'm one of those picky guys when it comes to women. I have a ridiculous set of standards. It's like I'm  a casting-director who conducts  constant open-auditions for the ideal woman. Seemingly benign nuances can send me sprinting for the exit.  Since society dictates that we can only have one Lone Ranger to our Tonto, the stakes are especially high-and I'm looking for as close to my version of perfection as humanly possible. 

 To give you an idea of exactly how picky I can be, consider five seemingly wonderful women I've been forced-for one random reason or another-to drop like a hot brick:

 

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Scientologists Go To Save Haiti From the Forces of Xen

Published by Harmon on February 2nd, 2010 in CULTS

The most curious thing about the 50 Scientologists, who wore matching yellow volunteer shirts and were sent to Haiti: what’s their angle? Surely the people of Haiti wont be able to buy their books or sign up for their expensive courses. Was it to create a Scientology strong-hold during the rebuilding of Haiti?

A leaked Scientology email that turned up on Gawker reads:

One big thing that is happening now is Haiti. We’re going there with our Global Pioneers team to deliver seminars to over 1,500 people. We going for 1,500 hours of auditing in one week and hopfeully, that many starts. More incredible news.

What a perfect opportunity for Scientology–they could basically claim Haiti as their own and create a future Scientology island. Take that Pat Robertson; put that in your e-meter and smoke it

So how did it go for the Scientologists once they got to Haiti. According to afirsthand witness:

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They were completely unprepared for going to a third world country, let alone a disaster zone. One girl was in designer cowboy boots. I asked her if she’d brought any sturdier footwear.

“Oh no, these’ll be fine.”

I asked another guy what he’d packed and he said he hadn’t bothered to bring soap or toilet paper or food, but that he’d just “buy whatever I need at Port-au-Prince airport.” I couldn’t break it to him……

They brought the weirdness of touch healing into a very superstitious society. They’d leave the tent and come into the general hospital downtown, and try healing people. One of the doctors and one of the nurses told me that the wounded started coming to them to tell them they didn’t want to be treated by the people in the yellow shirts. 

 

Westboro Baptist Church Pickets Twitter: What’s It Like In Their Hateful Shoes?

Published by Harmon on February 2nd, 2010 in INFILTRATION

 Last week I was on the front lines as the crazy religious/cult members of  the Westboro Baptist Church  instigated a picket outside the San Francisco offices of social media giant,  Twitter. (God Hates Twitter!)

 

 

 

a10In turn SF’s finest and funniest came out in force to mount a counter-protest that had all the kooky fun of a Burning Man party–complete with boomboxes blaring Lady Gaga–as they muffled out WBC’s God Hates Fags’ message.  

I captured all the glory action, in all its  photo splendor–as the freaky people tried to freak out the freaky people. (Click here for the Twitter protest photo story @ Asylum.)

It was purely beautiful to see the humor of “doomed” San Francisco out trumping the asinine message of hate WBC tried to serve up on a bible-thumping  platter. 

Surrounded by a police escort, WBC went back to their home base in Topeka Kansas with their Satanic tails firmly between their hoofed-foot legs. 

This wasn’t the first time I’ve encountered the WBC. I actually spent several days with them at their Topeka home-compound for my book, The American Dream. I wanted to find out firsthand what the American Dream  meant to a religious cult  that basically hates everyone.

I can safely say it’s much more pleasant to be on the San Francisco-side of things at the Twitter protest, than in the floppy clown shoes of the WBC .

Here’s how I felt to be in the shoes of WBC at one of their 3 daily pickets in Topeka Kansas:

 

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Texploitation Night in Belfast - January 29th

Published by flojo on January 28th, 2010 in MOVIES

TEXPLOITATION FILM NIGHT “SHOCKWAVES” - JANUARY 29

 

Join your Texan hosts Scott and Stacey and honorary Texan Peter as we present what might possibly be the greatest Underwater Nazi Zombie Movie of all time, Shockwaves!!! The best part? It’s free and BYOZJ (Bring Your Own Zombie Juice!!).

 

There will be a raffle for fabulous Safehouse Prizes as well as “Freedom Corn”, American candy (Twizzlers and Milk Duds) and other surprises served up by the Irish Texans.

 

There might even be some sketches and guest appearances! This will also mark the debut of Safehouse’s brand new black curtains, movie screen and, yes – just like a real art gallery and movie theatre – A LIGHT DIMMER! (Technically this is called a “rheostat” but we didn’t want to bore you. You can read all about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potentiometer)

 

This is only the first in a series of Texploitation nights and it promises to be a great time.

 

We’ve got a Facebook group, too, like all the hip kids!!

 

www.facebook.com/#/group.php?v=info&gid=359993110220

 

Everyone is also invited to the after show party at The Duke of York! (Provided we’re not all too blocked at that point.)

 

www.safehousearts.org.uk/texploitation

FRIDAY, JANUARY 29, 2010 (The Future!)
DOORS: 7:30pm

FILM STARTS: 8:30pm SHARP

FREE! (Donation requested)

 

5 Tips On Infiltrating The National Tea Party Convention 2/4-2/6

Published by Harmon on January 27th, 2010 in INFILTRATION

 The National Tea Party Convention is taking place February 4th- 6th at theOpryland Hotel in Nashville.

Man, I’d give my whole entire collection of Obama=Hitler signs to infiltrate this event.

 

Not only would I get to rub elbows with some of America’s finest, but the event also totes such speakers as crazy ladies Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin.

Imagine such enlightening speaker topics as:

-Correlations between the current Administration and Marxist Dictators of Latin America!

-Why Christians Must Engage!

-How to Involve the Youth in the Conservative Movement!

I’m sure there will also be much, much talk about Obama’s death panels. Making this more of a Holy-Grail-of-infiltrations: The National Tea Party Convention is closed to the press! Yes, the Tea Party Patriots don’t want any stupid press writing down the words of Sarah Palin and making her look stupid by printing what she says verbatim. All this press-closure does is wave a carrot in front of my nose to crash their Tea Party doors.

So, if there’s an eccentric millionaire out there who wants to help me infiltrate this blessed event don’t be shy to contact me. Otherwise, here’re are some tips on how you can infiltrate the National Tea Party Convention:

INFILTRATION TIP #1: Find a local chapter of the Tea Party Patriots. Email to say you’re interested in joining. Get a few emails going back-and-forth.(Easy to do because most of the leaders are old people with way too much free time on their hands.)  Bring up the topic of the National Tea Party  Convention and mention you have an interest in attending. Register for the event with their stamp of approval. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP #2: Find a few names of Tea Party leaders who are attending the event through their individual websites. Get to the convention early and check-in under their names. Those of you in San Francisco can obtain fake ID’s on Mission Street. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP 3: See if there’s anyway to become a volunteer at the convention. A lot of these events  run on volunteers. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP #4: Book a room at the Opryland Hotel. Arrive a day early. Note where all employee entrances and exits to various conference rooms. Dress in the employee uniform with a change of clothes underneath. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP #5: Try to snap a photo of an attendee’s convention badge. Create a reproduction in Photoshop and laminate the fake badge at Kinko’s. Enjoy the convention!


In The Shadow of the Palins: I Infiltrate A Teen Abstinence Educators Conference

Published by Harmon on January 26th, 2010 in INFILTRATION

Sarah and baby-mama daughter, Bristol, or at it again, spreading the merits of their favorite method of birth control: teen abstinence.

Though abstinence has been preached for thousands of years, the Palins , thank God, have finally gotten it right. As seen on theOprah show last week, their goal is to bring the message to the classrooms and convince teens that condoms are ineffective and that the only safe form of sex occurs within marriage.

They did it! Problem solved! Disregarding thousands of years of human nature, they know that the way to stop teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is for teens simply not have sex. It’s just that easy. Sign me up.

No, literally.

That’s right, in order to get in the mindset of the Palins,  I infiltrated  a three-day conference sponsored by the group Life Choices. (Get it? They’re cleverly one-upping “pro-choice.”) There, I was trained as a teen abstinence educator, and learned the ins and outs of what’s needed to teach kids in public schools not to have sex.

What’s really being taught to kids when it comes to teen abstinence programs? Do their workshops really teach practical, realistic information to squash the sexual urges of horny teenagers?  Are complaints valid that they give erroneous information about health, sexuality, gender roles, contraception, and the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases—that they’re full of medical and scientific inaccuracies, all under the guise of education?

That what I wanted to find out firsthand.

Read on…….

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