September 2009
A Freedom Haters Salute: Pea Soup Andersen's
On a recent roadtrip for some R&R at the Hoover Dam, I came across a giant billboard that read, “Pea Soup Andersen’s 110 Miles.” This was very informative and gave me time to think about pea soup consumption.
Where else but the middle of fucking nowhere could a specialty restaurant like this survive. Pea soup as a main selling point for a restaurant’s appeal could only prevail in the hinterlands of the open road. Pea Soup Anderson’s 110 miles; “Hell yes” I cried, save a bowl at the table for me!
9/11, Peak Oil and Dudes in their Underwear
I've been following this story for about as long as the Interwebs have been around (thanks Al Gore!) and it's still coming up with twists and turns.
Mike Ruppert is a former LAPD cop who was one of the first people to speak up about the CIA and crack cocaine trafficking in Los Angeles way back in 1996..
Following that, he started up a magazine called From The Wilderness that delved into the CIA/Crack story even deeper. From there, the magazine also branched out into other conspiracy theories including....yep, you guessed it...9/11 (or 11/9 to our backward-ass Euro-friends here).
Lately, Ruppert has been more into the whole Peak Oil story than anything else.
So it was pretty interesting when the State of Oregon published information about a sexual harassment lawsuit that Ruppert was involved in.
So where does the underwear come in?
We're back?
I know we've said this before, but we think we mean it this time.
We're back.
Try it out.
Comment away.
We'll start posting again soon.
Before Match.com
This is pretty classic.
Someone got hold of one of those "video dating" tapes from the 1980s and posted it online.
Take a gander.
My favorites include the guy dressed like a Viking and the guy who says hello to his mother.
Check it out.
Enjoy.
Once Again Yet Another Salute: Stuff White People Like
Yet once again Freedom Haters salutes the hugely popular one-joke-wonder that is Stuff White People Like. Think of the site as the Everyone Loves Raymond of the snarky sect. Even though people might not find Stuff White People Like to be funny, they will still pass it around to their white coworkers to show that they too are snarky. Freedom Haters knows this and that's why we are doing yet another parody of the site.
Here're a few more new entries that Freedom Haters made to Stuff White People Like:
More Craigslist Freak Outs
It's a clear sign that recession is still in full hilt when you look on the Craigslist job board.
Not only have job listings transgressed into the sublime, but people are still losing their shit over the puny offerings.Â
Once again Freedom Haters would like to showcase some of the worst-of-the-worst of Craigslist freak outs over the cavalcade of crap that is currently being passed off as job listings. Enjoy!
Why Are Murderers Such Nice Guys?
I'm so sick of hearing how yet another murderer who was considered a "nice guy" by their neighbors.
What is it about our nation's "nice guys" that turns them to murder? First there was Raymond Clark III: the Yale lab tech who murdered fellow student Annie Le.
In a random news article about him entitled: "Clark a ‘nice guy,’ neighbors say," here's a random quote:
“He was a nice guy,†Cotten said. “Nothing alarming, nothing that would make you say, ‘He’s kind of weird.’ â€
 This week we now have the Virginia killings with murderer Richard "Sammy" McCroskey III. (What's also up with these "III's" killing people?) This high school dropout was a horror core rapper.
Here's the headline in the San Francisco Chronicle: "Horror rap fan 'a quiet nice kid."
The story goes on to say how some thought he couldn't hurt a spider let alone kill 4 people in Virginia.Â
Hmm?
Michael Moore Cliches
First of all, Freedom Haters loves the movies of Michael Moore. (Excluding Canadian Bacon of course.)
Surely his documentary are really skewed in order to fulfill an agenda, but Moore is a great filmmaker who can mix equal parts humor alongside touching, poignant moments.Â
With that said, I just saw the trailer for his new movie, Capitalism: A Love Story. Of course I'm going to go see it.
But the trailer did manage to trumpet a few annoying Michael Moore movie cliches I hate. Â
The Swayze Chain
Patrick Swayze is dead. It's true. I predictably mentioned this piece of ubiquitous news writing the latest offering on my personal blog & to represent his passing I searched the internet for a short clip, one that would show something a little bit different than what the rest of the world is offering.
Not Roadhouse.
Not Dirty Dancing.
What I found surpassed my wildest expectations & led me link after link to a pointless treasure trove of useless trivia.
Post Modern You Tube Avant-Garde Cinema
We at Freedom Haters would like to salute the new wave of cinema by highlighting film directors that are so far ahead of their time we can't even comprehend their genius.Â
That's why their You Tube videos have gotten under 65 views.Â
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THIS WEEK'S INSTALLMENT: Drunk passed out brother
DIRECTOR: Carlyjean04
RUNNING TIME: 1:29
VIEWS: 61
Much like Andy Warhol's seminal experimental classic, Sleep, we find the same anti-filmmaking techniques in Carlyjean04's Drunk passed out brother. As where Warhol filmed his friend John Giorno sleeping for 5 hours, Carlyjean04 manages to capture the same sort of monotony in only 1:29
Keep up the good work Carlyjean04. We look forward to your sequel, Still Drunk passed out brother.Â
How To Be A Hack Comedian
 
“Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act,†once stated bug-eyed comedian Marty Feldman.
So why not make things easy on yourself; simply steal comedy material. Yes, become a humor-thief! Much like ripping-off a car, stealing jokes has no consequences………if you don’t get caught! Some comedians make entire careers doing just that. It worked for such comedy giants as Carlos Mencia, Dane Cook, or old-timey Milton Berle, who was known for having the biggest “shlong†in Hollywood. They must have done something right!
Rent Boy Infiltration
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Finding an apartment is one of life's most unpleasant tasks, somewhere behind salt mining and ostrich wrangling. When interviewing to be someone's roommate, not only do you have to be witty and charming, but also fit into the completely arbitrary criteria of the interviewer (the bastard). The Craigslist ad reads:Â
"LOWER HAIGHT room in friendly household. 4 mins to bus, share kitchen and bathroom, $630 per month."
Michael Jackson on the Dating Game
Yep.
As if we haven't talked about poor Michael enough, found this clip of old timey MJ from that classic show, The Dating Game.
Kind of cool.
Kind of creepy.
Just sit back and enjoy.
And let's all thank Al Gore again, for the wonder of the Internets....
Something Icke This Way Comes
David Icke: former sports broadcaster, former self-professed Messianic figure, current lizard monster enthusiast.<?xml:namespace prefix = o />
I've recently decided to study the life and ideas of this fifty-seven year old author of, allegedly, non-fiction books with titles like "The Robot's Rebellion" and "The Book that will Change the World"
The experience has been a mixed bag. Sometimes it's funny, more often it's irritating.
The Informant Makes Freedom Haters Happy
So seldom does Freedom Haters attend a movie on the opening day matinee.
 But such was the case with Steven Soderbergh's new flick, The Informant. There was something about Matt Damon packing on pounds to play Mark Whitacre--a Midwestern agricultural exec who cooperates with the FBI to help bring down lysine insider trading. But all isn't what it seems to be........
God Hates Fags Teams Up With The Beatles: Ringo Turning Over In His Grave!
The Beatles must be turning over in their grave. (At least the ones that are dead.)
 This has got to be the worst use of Beatles music since Nike used Revolution to sell shoes. Yes, Freedom Haters' favorite NOT ironic/ironic hate group, God Hates Fags has won the prize for worst use of Lennon/McCartney music known to humanity.Â
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In their latest crazy crusade the Topeka-based bible-thumping nutbags have "cleverly" concocted a parody of "Hey Jude" and transformed it to "Hey Jews." (I know pretty hack, huh?)
Here's a video taste:Â
How To Have Your Own Freak Show
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Why not turn your house of apartment into your very own circus freak show for fun and/or profit? Now, you might ask, “How am I gonna have a freak show if I don't know any (literal) freaks?" |
Are you sitting around the house right now, bored, with nothing to do?Well, with a little love, a few things found around the house and some elbow grease, it can be very easy. Before long, you'll have an elaborate show on your hands, including performers doing neat things like driving 8-inch spikes into their heads or growing spontaneous beards! How fun!!! Let’s get started....Â
NACHO THURSDAYS!! - Who in the world is eating nachos September 17, 2009?!!
Hey kids!
Your regular Thursday nacho column here.
In today's edition, as in every Thursday's special nacho edition, we answer the burning question -
"Who in the world has been eating nachos over the past few hours?"
Now you know.
Hopefully this will be able to meet all of your real time nacho tracking needs.
Tea Party Patriots Mon Amour!
 I loooooooooooooooove the Tea Party Patriots.
They're sooooooo adorable. It's kinda like letting your retarded uncle out of the attic and then having him roam around the living room at a awkward family reunion knowing he's going to say something idiotically inappropriate. The Tea Party Patriots are like an army of Sarah Palins waving to all the people of Russia.Â
Have you ever wondered who finds Glenn Beck a high intellect? It's the Tea Baggers! Hurrah! It's true; it's really true!Â
Here's a little video taste of the Tea Baggers at their best at the healthcare protest in Washington. And you better believe Obama=HItler+Stalin+Satan:
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Infiltrating the World of Furries
Hey Freedom Haters, I have a new article out in this month's issue of Penthouse.
It involves my escapades infiltrating the wonderful, if not slightly uptight, world of Furries and Furry Fandom at the Further Confusion Convention in San Jose.
Freedom Haters might remember a few months back when I posted a short blog about it and the entire Furry community went utter ape-shit.
Furries, if you don't know, are those who like anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities. Some suit up in elaborate animal costumes to create walking, talking animal/human hybrids. But there is a furry dark side; there's a niche group of these rapscallions who like to partake in sex while adorned in full furry regalia. (Note to Furries: I did say "niche.")
Here's a little teaser from my Penthouse story:
