January 2010

Texploitation Night in Belfast - January 29th

Published by flojo on January 28th, 2010 in MOVIES

TEXPLOITATION FILM NIGHT “SHOCKWAVES” - JANUARY 29

 

Join your Texan hosts Scott and Stacey and honorary Texan Peter as we present what might possibly be the greatest Underwater Nazi Zombie Movie of all time, Shockwaves!!! The best part? It’s free and BYOZJ (Bring Your Own Zombie Juice!!).

 

There will be a raffle for fabulous Safehouse Prizes as well as “Freedom Corn”, American candy (Twizzlers and Milk Duds) and other surprises served up by the Irish Texans.

 

There might even be some sketches and guest appearances! This will also mark the debut of Safehouse’s brand new black curtains, movie screen and, yes – just like a real art gallery and movie theatre – A LIGHT DIMMER! (Technically this is called a “rheostat” but we didn’t want to bore you. You can read all about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potentiometer)

 

This is only the first in a series of Texploitation nights and it promises to be a great time.

 

We’ve got a Facebook group, too, like all the hip kids!!

 

www.facebook.com/#/group.php?v=info&gid=359993110220

 

Everyone is also invited to the after show party at The Duke of York! (Provided we’re not all too blocked at that point.)

 

www.safehousearts.org.uk/texploitation

FRIDAY, JANUARY 29, 2010 (The Future!)
DOORS: 7:30pm

FILM STARTS: 8:30pm SHARP

FREE! (Donation requested)

 

5 Tips On Infiltrating The National Tea Party Convention 2/4-2/6

Published by Harmon on January 27th, 2010 in INFILTRATION

 The National Tea Party Convention is taking place February 4th- 6th at theOpryland Hotel in Nashville.

Man, I’d give my whole entire collection of Obama=Hitler signs to infiltrate this event.

 

Not only would I get to rub elbows with some of America’s finest, but the event also totes such speakers as crazy ladies Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin.

Imagine such enlightening speaker topics as:

-Correlations between the current Administration and Marxist Dictators of Latin America!

-Why Christians Must Engage!

-How to Involve the Youth in the Conservative Movement!

I’m sure there will also be much, much talk about Obama’s death panels. Making this more of a Holy-Grail-of-infiltrations: The National Tea Party Convention is closed to the press! Yes, the Tea Party Patriots don’t want any stupid press writing down the words of Sarah Palin and making her look stupid by printing what she says verbatim. All this press-closure does is wave a carrot in front of my nose to crash their Tea Party doors.

So, if there’s an eccentric millionaire out there who wants to help me infiltrate this blessed event don’t be shy to contact me. Otherwise, here’re are some tips on how you can infiltrate the National Tea Party Convention:

INFILTRATION TIP #1: Find a local chapter of the Tea Party Patriots. Email to say you’re interested in joining. Get a few emails going back-and-forth.(Easy to do because most of the leaders are old people with way too much free time on their hands.)  Bring up the topic of the National Tea Party  Convention and mention you have an interest in attending. Register for the event with their stamp of approval. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP #2: Find a few names of Tea Party leaders who are attending the event through their individual websites. Get to the convention early and check-in under their names. Those of you in San Francisco can obtain fake ID’s on Mission Street. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP 3: See if there’s anyway to become a volunteer at the convention. A lot of these events  run on volunteers. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP #4: Book a room at the Opryland Hotel. Arrive a day early. Note where all employee entrances and exits to various conference rooms. Dress in the employee uniform with a change of clothes underneath. Enjoy the convention!

INFILTRATION TIP #5: Try to snap a photo of an attendee’s convention badge. Create a reproduction in Photoshop and laminate the fake badge at Kinko’s. Enjoy the convention!


In The Shadow of the Palins: I Infiltrate A Teen Abstinence Educators Conference

Published by Harmon on January 25th, 2010 in INFILTRATION

Sarah and baby-mama daughter, Bristol, or at it again, spreading the merits of their favorite method of birth control: teen abstinence.

Though abstinence has been preached for thousands of years, the Palins , thank God, have finally gotten it right. As seen on theOprah show last week, their goal is to bring the message to the classrooms and convince teens that condoms are ineffective and that the only safe form of sex occurs within marriage.

They did it! Problem solved! Disregarding thousands of years of human nature, they know that the way to stop teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is for teens simply not have sex. It’s just that easy. Sign me up.

No, literally.

That’s right, in order to get in the mindset of the Palins,  I infiltrated  a three-day conference sponsored by the group Life Choices. (Get it? They’re cleverly one-upping “pro-choice.”) There, I was trained as a teen abstinence educator, and learned the ins and outs of what’s needed to teach kids in public schools not to have sex.

What’s really being taught to kids when it comes to teen abstinence programs? Do their workshops really teach practical, realistic information to squash the sexual urges of horny teenagers?  Are complaints valid that they give erroneous information about health, sexuality, gender roles, contraception, and the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases—that they’re full of medical and scientific inaccuracies, all under the guise of education?

That what I wanted to find out firsthand.

Read on…….

READ MORE >>

Bruno Comes To Life At Berlin Fashion Week

Published by Harmon on January 22nd, 2010 in IRONY

 It’s funny when life imitates ridiculous art that imitates ridiculous life.

Yesterday, designer Patrick Mohrpresented his fashion-tastic  show, “Are We Shaved,” as part of Berlin Fashion Week.

The only thing that comes to mind: where is Bruno when you need him?  Someone needs to inform Patrick Mohr that fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors.

 

 

See if you can spot the phony in the bunch below who is like Chrysler’s Muse in Austria:

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Domnina and Shabalin: Is This Ice-Dancing’s Equivalent To Blackface?

Published by Harmon on January 22nd, 2010 in IRONY

 I’ve been a big fan of ice-dancing long before the Will Ferrell movie, Blades of Glory. What’s there not to like: the tight costumes, the pageantry, the drama on ice, etc…

Imagine my delight when I saw ice-dancers Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin, the favorites for Olympic ice-dancing gold in Vancouver, wowing the crowd with their their routine at the European Championships.

Here’s where it gets good: the Russian skaters painted themselves brown like Australian Aborigines and did a skating number they said was a “tribute” to the culture. Guess what? It pissed off a hell of a lot ofAustralian Aborigines with their ice-dancing equivalent to a minstrel show.

capt.photo_1264141507014-1-0According to experts, the music, movement and body decorations worn by the Russians had no relation to that of Australia’s 60,000-year-old Aboriginal culture. Strange? Cuz when one thinks of Australian Aborigines the first thing that comes to mind is their proclivities on ice.

Why would something that looks like the above possibly be seen as nothing short of a cultural “tribute”?

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“They have got the whole thing wrong,” said Stephen Page, artistic director of the respected indigenous group, the Bangarra Dance Company.

Page said there were no traditional movements in the routine, the music sounded more like it came from India or Africa than Aboriginal Australiaand the body paint looked like “a three-year-old child had drawn it on”.

“It looks more like they were trying to emulate the token savage cave man,” Page told AFP. “That’s insulting to Aboriginal people.”

Oh ice-dancing, must you be so controversial? Here’s some fun. Watch the video of Domina and Shabalin and ponder what their “tribute” to slavery in America would be like. The music alone is worth the price of admission:

 

Bad News Conan O’Brien is Out: Worse News Jimmy Fallon Stays On

Published by Harmon on January 21st, 2010 in CELEBRITIES

 As of Thursday at roughly 1 am, Conan O’Brien made it official; he is leaving NBC with a $32 million pay out. That’s bad news for fans of comedy. Even worse news for fans of comedy: Jimmy Fallon is staying on.

I know, it’s too unbelievable to be true. The SNL star, who replaced O’Brien, is going to keep doing the late night talk show that gets less laughs that an ExtenZe male enhancement infomercial.

6a011017b3c7c0860e01101675df58860d-500piWith Conan leaving NBC, and pander-monkey Jay Leno back in the prime spot, maybe we can start an online campaign to replace Jimmy Fallon with someone who is much funnier? Any suggestions?

How about Lloyd Blankfein from Goldman Sachs?

 
 

 

I Investigate Right-Wing Pro-War, Patriotic Skinhead Bands

Published by Harmon on January 20th, 2010 in POLITICS

 The thing that really tarnished Obama’s report card  for me was his announcement to send 30,000 more troops into Afghanistan. Sure he says that there’s plans to eventually withdraw the troops, but let’s face it, on the one-year anniversary of his presidency, this war is going to drag on and on and on.

A while back I encountered a group in Augusta Georgia that would be overjoyed by this message. Yup, I’m talking about right-wing, pro-war skinhead bands. Yes, it’s time to witness the sights and sounds of patriot punk and meet the band Nation of Suspects.

READ MORE >>

Separated At Birth: Spanish Lawmaker In Bin Laden Photo Rejects U.S. Apology

Published by Harmon on January 20th, 2010 in IRONY

 It might’ve been  funny back in the `90’s when Spy magazine did their regular feature:Separated At Birth.

The photos of two famous people would be aligned to show their uncanny resemblance.

Here’s a good one: Spanish lawmakerGasper Llamazars and Osama bin Laden. Well fuck-me-sideways;  those two DO look alike!

Needless to say, Llamazares is pissed off at the U.S. and the FBI. (Didn’t they think this through all the way?!) Especially when his likeness was used on posters to show what bin Laden might look like today. How did it happen? The FBI forensic artist  couldn’t find suitable features for bin Laden and, instead grabbed Llamazars photo off of Google images. Whoops!

At a press conference on Tuesday, Llamazares rejected the United States’s apology for using his photo on a State Department wanted poster offering a $25 million reward for bin Laden’s capture. All I can say is, Mr. Llamazares have fun trying to get your shampoos and gels through airport security.

Llamazares is not the only who should be pissed off at these head-to-head comparisions. Just imagine how John Kerry felt when this turned up:

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Or how pissed off Tom Petty must’ve felt when compared side-by-side with right-wing annoyance, Ann Coulter:

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Norm Coleman is a Tool: Family Votes Against His Run For Governor

Published by Harmon on January 19th, 2010 in POLITICS

Remember last year the amount of time and money sore loser Norm Coleman wasted in the Minnesota senate race? With his team of high-priced lawyers, the recount against opponent Al Franken went on longer than the movie Avatar. Finally, after $50 million was spent by both parties, Al Franken was deemed the democrat victor.

Boo-hoo Norm Coleman, boo-hoo.

Now, Coleman has pulled out of the Minnesota governor’s race. Poof–just like that! Was it because of a lengthy legal battle that left tax payers to flip the bill? No. It’s because his family voted that he shouldn’t run for governor.

“It was a 3-to-1 decision,” Coleman said. His 23-year-old son, Jake, a law school student, wanted him to run, saying, “We can handle that, Dad. Aw, don’t worry about that.” But he was outvoted Friday night by Coleman, his wife, Laurie, and their daughter, Sarah.

Norm Coleman, where the hell was your family last year during the Franken senate race? Are you going to sue your family as well so they will turn their decision around? Norm Coleman you are a true tool.

 

Christian Aerobics Stomps the Devil with the Sanctified Slide

Published by Harmon on January 19th, 2010 in CULTS

This makes me very, very happy. This is exactly what the world of aerobics needs: a Christian twist with messages and dance moves regarding stomping down Satan.

Brought to us by the fine folks at the Dream Keepers Ensemble, we learn such Christian choreographed aerobic dance moves as, “Shake the devil off,” Walk in his spirit,” and of course the legendary, “We stomp the devil down!”

Led by Paul Eugene–a man who is like the Billy Blanks of Christian aerobics-the result is something that slightly resembles country line dancing but with a Jesus twist. The best part about the video is his background dancer who diligently execute the Sanctified Slide; they seem rounded up at the very last minute for the video. The woman looks like she works in the cafeteria while the guy in the WalMart sweatpants has that classic creepy pedophile look and resembles Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

And if you think the Sanctified Slide lives in some sort of You Tube bubble, I actually came across a video of a basement full of people ready to stomp Satan down as they line dance for Jesus:

 

Golden Globe Winner Mo’Nique: Before Precious She Threatened Skinny Bitches!

Published by Harmon on January 18th, 2010 in CELEBRITIES

We’ve been fans of Mo’Nique long before she won theGolden Globe award for her stunning role as an abusive mother in the movie Precious. In fact, here’s our all-time favorite Mo’Nique performance.

Once again Mo’Nique plays another abusive character–this time she threatens to take out her violent wrath on those skinny bitches with firm hits to the side of the head:

 

 

 

 

U.S. Military Weaponry Company: Killing For Jesus!

Published by Harmon on January 18th, 2010 in CULTS

This goes into the holy f*ckfile. According to ABC News:

 "Coded references to New Testament Bible passages about Jesus Christ are inscribed on high-powered rifle sights provided to the United States military by a Michigan company."

This is just plain scary on sooo many different levels.

 

Not only does Trijicon, manufactures weapon sights used by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, but they are also used to train Iraqi and Afghan soldiers.

Their website reads: “Guided by our values, we endeavor to have our products used wherever precision aiming solutions are required to protect individual freedom.”

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Man, I was slightly pissed to learn that In & Out Burgerputs Bible verses on their hamburger wrappers. This is light-years beyond that. Can you even get into the mindset of these weaponry manufacturers; they actually take the time to secretly inscribe the word of Jesus on their concoctions of death!?

What a throwback to the days of the Crusades of Europe. Yes, convert or die towelhead: we’re killing you in the name of Jesus! The secret biblical messages include a reference to Second Corinthians 4:6:

“For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”

Also, included are citations to the books of Revelation, Matthew and John that deal with Jesus as “the light of the world.” The gun sight reads:

“Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

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Yes, killing the way Jesus would’ve wanted it. It gets better: Trijicon has a $660 million multi-year contract to provide up to 800,000 sights to the Marine Corps.

The company’s web site also trumpets: “This goodness has been based on Biblical standards throughout our history, and we will strive to follow those morals.”

Finally, a weaponry company that Pat Robertson can fully get behind! Watch Trijicon’s promo video and see how much creepier  knowing its all for Jesus:

 
 

Pat Robertson Makes Pact With the Devil

Published by Harmon on January 18th, 2010 in POLITICS

After TV evangelist Pat Robertson commented that the reason for the devastating earthquake in Haiti was because the citizens made a pact with the devil, one can only conclude that Pat Robertson is Satan himself. 

Is Pat Robertson the devil? You decide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dirty Secret About The Underwear Bomber

Published by Harmon on January 18th, 2010 in IRONY

Comedian Lee Camp has  a few thoughts on the Underwear Bomber. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pat Robertson On Earthquake In Haiti: They Made A Pact With The Devil!

Published by Harmon on January 13th, 2010 in CULTS

What an absolute religious-fanatical tool Pat Robertson is.

 A 7.o earthquake struck Haiti on Tuesday: a major catastrophe for one of the world’s poorest countries. With no exact estimate on the number dead and wounded, ambassador Raymond Alcide Joseph told CNN:

 

 

“The only thing I can do now is pray and hope for the best.”

One would get a completely different reaction on this horrific disaster if they asked TV evangelist/complete delusional douche, Pat Robertson. Taking a typical page from the extreme religious right, Robertson believes the horrors in Haiti occurred because:

“They got together and made a pact with the devil!”

Addressing his viewers on the 700 Club, Robertson elaborated on the Haitian revolt against the French in the 19th century:

“They were under the heel of the French…and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.”

Robertson concluded that ever since then (the Haitians, by the way, were revolting against slavery), they’ve been cursed by one thing after another. With the typical mentality of the extreme religious right, I’m very surprised that Pat Robertson didn’t blame the devastating earthquake in Haiti on all the homosexuals in the world.

Pat Robertson  you seem to have all the answers. Now go away you sad, little man–we don’t need your smug, faux religious superiority in this sad time of crisis.

 

 

Addressing his viewers on the 700 Club, Robertson elaborated on the Haitian revolt against the French in the 19th century:

“They were under the heel of the French…and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.”

Robertson concluded that ever since then (the Haitians, by the way, were revolting against slavery), they’ve been cursed by one thing after another. With the typical mentality of the extreme religious right, I’m very surprised that Pat Robertson didn’t blame the devastating earthquake in Haiti on all the homosexuals in the world.

Pat Robertson  you seem to have all the answers. Now go away you sad, little man–we don’t need your smug, faux religious superiority in this sad time of crisis.

 

 

Sarah Palin New Job With FOX News: How We’d Really Like To See It!

Published by Harmon on January 12th, 2010 in POLITICS

Was it really a surprise to hear that Sarah Palin was joining the FOX News Channel team?

Hell no. It’s the perfect place for the woman who quit her job as governor of Alaska. (I wonder, though, if FOX News is worried Palin will quit in the middle of her contract?)

Not only will the FOX News job make this Maverick heaps more cash than being a lame duck governor, but little Sarah from Alaska now gets to rub elbows with such conservative  news “elite” asGlenn Beck, Sean Hannity, and of course Papa Bear Bill O’Reilly.

And we–the American public win by garnishing more Sarah Palin TV time. Hurrah!

“I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It’s wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news.”

But to keep things fair and balanced, in an idyllic world, here’s the perfect FOX News/Sarah Palin scenario I’d like to see:

 

Rugby Shirts and Synthesizers - Only in 1982!!

Published by admin on January 12th, 2010 in MUSIC

Probably the best video by guys in old school Rugby shirts ever!

You're not ever going to see anything like this on MTV ever again.

P-Doggy couldn't hold a candle to the likes of Collins & Co....

Do we even know what "Abacab" means? 

Well, according to Wikipedia, "Abacab" comes from the note structure of the original song - A B A C A B. But that no longer holds true with the song on the record. But it's a good story.

And the horn sounds at the end? 

EARTH, WIND AND FIRE!!

I still can't forgive a certain member of Genesis for the song "The Living Years".

Sorry.

 

I infiltrate Spike TV's 1000 Ways To Die While Posing As A Crossdresser

Published by Harmon on January 11th, 2010 in INFILTRATION

Spike TV's 1000 Ways To Die is a show that focuses on various unusual/bizarre/stupid ways people have died.

For a segment called Suck Her Punch, the producers of a show put an ad onCraigslist with the header: TV Show Needs Crossdresser.Of course I answered the ad swearing I was an expert at all things crossdressing.

 

I was told to answer a series of email questions such as:

A) What is it about cross dressing that you like?  How and why did you start?

B)  Is it a falsehood to think that men who cross dress are more feminine?

Going by the crossdressing moniker, KiKI--a former marine and works construction by day, I then sent in a photo I found through a Google image search utilizing the words "cross" and "dressing".  It worked: Low-and-behold, I was booked on Spike TV's 1000 Ways To Die in order to give my expert testimony on what it's like to be a man who dresses as a woman.

Borrowing a dress from my friend Ali and then stopping at Walgreen's minutes before the shoot to purchase some random makeup, I threw a bunch of accessories together in order to create the world's ugliest looking crossdresser.

At the production studio in Burbank I couldn't believe not a single member of the production team stopped me and said, "Come on! Are you for real!?"

Basically, my crossdressing Frankenstein concoction looked like she just spent a night with the Hell's Angels. (Also, my purple dress wouldn't zip all the way in back.) $300 I was paid for my performance.

What follows is KiKI-the crossdresser giving her expert opinion on the subject. Do you find KiKi hot? Freedom Haters wants to know!


Mo'nique Oscar Buzz!!!

Published by flojo on January 10th, 2010 in CELEBRITIES, Monique

All of you here at Freedom Haters know of our love for Mo'nique.

She's had a special place in our hearts since we first began way back in 2008.

Well now she's up for a Golden Globe!!!!

Next stop, OSCAR!!!!

Here's a bit of Mo'nique at her most Mo'nique!!

 

Rush Limbaugh Gives Press Conference On Hospital Visit: The Royal Swine Speaks!

Published by Harmon on January 2nd, 2010 in IRONY

 Rush Limbaugh checks out of a hospital in Hawaii after having “mysterious” chest pains.

Rush used the opportunity to praise the health care system in our country as the best in the world (good thing he has health insurance). Rush refused to answer questions on whether or not he’s been abusing drugs again. (OxyContin we are talking to you.)

Here’s Rush’s press conference with the addition of a little spin on our part:

 

 


 

Sure, you might think it’s low to make fun of someone because they have a problem or a health condition. But then again, you got to ask yourself, “What would Rush do?”