When in Austin Texas, why not take the Charles Whitman Murder Tour!!!!! (Note all the exclamation points!) Yes, a self-guided tour that will delight, entertain, and astound you with that fact, as a country we have evolved fuck-all as a species when it comes to our gun laws.  

Freedom Haters will be your guide for this exclusive tour. (Note Freedom Hater Flojo in the video above playing the role of Charles Whitman.) 

WHO IS CHARLES WHITMAN? 

On a hot summer day in August 1966, Charles Whitman, a 25-year-old student, former altar boy, Eagle Scout, and Marine went to the top of the UT Clock Tower—the tallest building in Austin—and began shooting with astounding marksmanship (he picked up the skill in the military).

Quicker than Ted Nugent can scream, “Wang-Dang Sweet Poontang,” forty-five people were gunned down and 13 died, culminating at the time, in the worst mass murder in a public setting,(in 1991, fellow Texan George Hennard took Whitman’s crown when he drove his pickup truck through Luby’s Cafeteria window, in the town of Killeen, leaped out and shot 23 patrons before killing himself.), harking back to a more innocent time before IPods and suicide bombers, when a lone crazed gunman snapping over stress required military training rather than in this modern era of where any fuck-wit can fully arm themselves and live out their ultimate video game fantasy.

Newspapers of the day covered the story, using such clever headlines as "Death from Above," "Austin's Darkest Hour," "The Tower of Doom," and "The Clock Struck Murder."