Introducing The Reverend Neil Pudding

Part One: SOK's First Steps

As with the tale of Eden, our story begins with two lovers.

In the Autumn of 1986, Carl Spaught met Gwendolyn Runn at college in Wilmot, Arkansas. Gwen had been studying general level bestiality, but was coaxed by her husband-to-be into dropping it and instead taking several courses in illustration.

Three years later, the young couple married, fusing together their lives and their last names. A year after that, their first joint effort was published, "Diana Talks", a children's story about a Princess who tries to uncover an evil conspiracy. The book, a virtual bestseller in their neighborhood, led to the Spaught-Runns' "Make Believe With Me!" series, including the award-winning* "Make Believe With Me! - Moon Landing???".

* SOK Publications' "Best Children's Book of All Time"

Then, on August the seventh, 1999, for the first time ever, the aliens contacted C. Spaught-Runn. Unfortunately, he almost immediately forgot what they'd told him, and so a hypnotist was consulted. Japan's then-teenaged Anne Unaki was at that time already considered one of the planet's foremost experts on alien psychic powers. Intrigued by Carl's meeting with the other-worlders, she ended up moving in with the Spaught-Runns. Despite her unpleasant and untreatable skin condition, young Anne was soon welcomed into the family as if she were their own maid.

Hypnotherapist and Ufologist Anne Unaki

On New Years Day, 2000, C. Spaught-Runn was again visited by the saucer people. This time, he and Anne learned a great deal more about the aliens, and their plans to INVADE THE EARTH!!!

Sorry to get so dramatic, but unlike some cults I could mention, C. Spaught-Runn's cult actually has a point. That point is: to warn humanity. In the early days of the new millennium, the Spaught-Runns, together with Anne Unaki, decided to do just that.

Initially, Carl had chosen the name "Scientology" for his organization. When informed that it had already been taken, he realized it was time for him to more carefully study pre-existing cults.

Skip ahead to the twelfth of September, 2001. With the aftermath of a tragedy, comes much soul-searching. It was an optimum time for cult leaders to do some heavy promoting. One such leader, despite not even being a U.S. citizen, began exploiting the incident on any website which gave him the platform to do so. C. Spaught-Runn watched the man like a hawk, and began to learn the ways of Elbonism.

The Embarrassingly Lame Symbol of Elbonism

Before long, the Spaught-Runns came to see the partial truths embedded within Elbonism. With the mystical assistance of Anne Unaki, they formed a new and greater cult. They formed the Society Of Kneeophytes. Jurggen Snubbs and his Elbonistic followers had correctly surmised that the human soul is housed within the central joint of one's limbs, but modern practitioners were wrong about WHICH limb. In his haste to spread the so-called "Truth" of Elbonism, the modern prophet Canaderek had grossly mistranslated Brother Olaf's writings on the subject.

The aliens, for some reason, kept showing up to tell C. Spaught-Runn more about their secret invasion. On one such occasion, they'd explained to him (through later translation sessions with Miss Unaki) that all male humans would be wise to keep their knees covered in public. The Society's Holy Symbol was decided upon that very evening: The Sacred Knee Sock.

SOK takes on optometry next week in Part Two: "I Can Knee Clearly Now"